Lycra Likey…Suits You!

Shock Report Reveals That Most Middle Aged Cyclists Are Closet Homosexuals


It’s a conundrum that has puzzled both experts and laymen for years – why do seemingly normal middle aged men spend a large part of their free time dressed in tight Lycra while staring at other men’s bottoms? Well now a new study has revealed the answer – they are mainly closet homosexuals.

The study authors from The University Of West South Elmsall, sent out a confidential survey to over 1,000 cyclists – middle aged men in Lycra – asking a series of probing questions about their taste in clothes, music, theatre and film.“The data we got back was clear cut”, said Professor Keith Lee who headed up the study, “The number of fans of musical theatre, Kylie Minogue, Shirley Bassey, Liza Minnelli, Abba and Bet Lynch off Coronation Street was striking. Skinny jeans ownership was also off the scale. If these aren’t clear signs  of batting for the other side, I don’t know what are.”

One cyclist from Wickersley who asked not to be named said “I’m admitting to nothing, but where else would you get the chance to wear skin tight luminous Lycra shorts with a padded crotch, and cop an eyeful of muscular flexing buttock  for two hours without anyone thinking anything of it? And even being at the front of the pack and getting chased is quite a thrill. Everyone knows the score but when we stop for coffee, we talk about  cars and other manly stuff. It’s a game.”

We approached Tour De France winner Sir Bradley Wiggins for his comments,  but a spokesperson said he was away at a Judy Garland tribute weekend.

Published by

mike2all

This is the story of what happened to me when anxiety took a grip. I lost my senses, I lost my job, and I lost me. I then turned to writing to find those things that had gone missing. How can you teach when you believe that education is a business that is failing in its primary remit of helping to create a better society? Indeed, how can you teach when you believe that you have nothing of value to pass on? The book/blog is the story of my recovery from the absolute darkness of the early days. It is an Odyssey through my life over the last twelve months and a retracing of my steps to discover how I found myself there. More than all of that, it is a re-evaluation and a rejoicing of all that which I call life. Happy reading and I hope it helps. There is madness, Everyday Madness, and not all of it comes from within.

3 thoughts on “Lycra Likey…Suits You!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s