Me and God and the rest…

“Just because you stoppped believing in him doesn’t mean that he doesn’t believe in you.”

When I was a child, God was a goodly old gentleman who had a keen sense of fair-play. He understood the motivations of all of his creations, gave them freedom, within boundaries, and wished them all well. He’d only interfere with the little things; never the biggies like Hitler or earthquakes. In those times, God was a benevolent spectator who had explained how we should play the game and then stood back, and watched.

But don’t break the rules!

It’s like being a teacher in reception who quickly runs through the expectations, points towards the library of books, tells the students that it’s not about competition but participation, before retiring to the staff-room to drink coffee, or tea, whilst shooting the breeze with a non-existent audience.

“Let the law of the jungle prevail.”

So, I spent the best part of my life praying to this absent teacher who was probably flicking through a holiday magazine without paying any attention to the fact that the bike sheds were burning down and a number of the teachers had been tied to the fence, awaiting execution.

Every night, I spoke to him, who didn’t have to be a he, and prayed for the wrongs of the world to be righted. And every morning those wrongs awaited my arrival at school. But for nearly fifty-years I followed this fruitless ritual. And I still do.

These days, I have struck an agreeement with God. I won’t openly say that I don’t believe in her as long as she doesn’t prove her lack of belief in me. I have this huge suspicion that the dual-gender deity doesn’t exist, but who am I to jump to this conclusion? It may well be that I, myself, don’t exist, and that I am only a dream that hasn’t fully woken to the fact.

But then, what have facts to do with this?

5 thoughts on “Me and God and the rest…

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  1. I find this very interesting Mike. Gone through the exact same things. Studied Theology, thinking it would help (it didn’t really, but did put a few ideas in my mind) but it didn’t help much in the long run. I veer now between believing (and wanting to fiecely defend Him Her ir It) and not believing then freaking out lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lorraine, I think that we need certain beliefs even if we don’t believe in them. They give us a sense of structure and rationality in a universe that really doesn’t have those qualities. I believe that God is a projection of our need to believe in ourselves.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We most certainly do Mike. And we don’t realise how deep it is until we drink from it in hard times. You think it is not there, but it is. I like to think of agod as the values that “the world” for want of a better word, does not em race often. Though there are some that do. You know, like overturning everything, as in the Beatitudes. I iften wish for something mire concrete, but then would I be truly satisifed anyway, with that? I think not. This is a great discussion. Maybe we should collaberate and write a book on it ha ha ( just joking)

        Liked by 1 person

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