Not my boy!!!

Now that I am so heavily involved with Suicide Prevention I find the words,
 “My son took his own life” followed by “how ever much time has elapsed,” slip out of my mouth fairly easily, without touching the sides, really. Certainly not touching any of the painful parts of my being that are tucked away for fear that anyone should witness the heaving mess I become if they were to collide.

That part of me which is secreted away even from myself at times. It cannot be allowed out because it is the undoing of me. Overwhelmed and out of control, snotty tears, followed by the  stutter which I developed in those dark days and months following Luke’s death.  I become exhausted by my thoughts and longings, eventually having to go to bed to sleep to shut it all out and stuff it away again.

At the time, the over…