Almost Everything…

I had never thought about flying. I had thought about the goshawk which could fly, and catch, and rip, and devour, but I had never thought about flying. Flying meant power and control. Flying was to be like the goshawk, looking down on a world that was defenceless to your scrutiny, and willing to give... Continue Reading →

Psycho Paths Lead To Greatness

Here we go again…

Read After Burnout

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There is something unnervingly hypnotic about a psychopath. The eyes have it. They stride into ours and rearrange what we think is normality. In some ways it’s akin to having a change of internal scenery with the sofa inhabiting a different area of the room whilst the armchairs are perfectly placed on the ceiling. When that happens, we are left to follow the madhatter down the hole.

Mankind likes a monster. We like the gothics of Dracula, Frankenstein (the real monster being the doctor) and a Mr Hyde (the real monster being the doctor). They tickle our fears whilst taking us into a realm of darkness that we can emerge from at the end of a reading or viewing. Once we leave the covers of a book or the darkness of a cinema, we are free to enjoy the sanity of the everyday. The only problem is that the everyday…

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Braver Again…

Nun but the brave…

Read After Burnout

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I was looking through the news this morning and found yet another story about a famous person who has suffered from mental issues. The guy was a sportsman, a top-class goalkeeper, who nose-dived into that pit of despair and anxiety that seems to be affecting more and more of the ‘normal’ population. Because of his elevated status, the rest of us are more likely to sit up and listen, to take note and to…?

That’s the problem, we don’t know what we are supposed to do.

I followed the comments made by fellow sports people and was not surprised when an awful lot told him how brave he was to, ‘come-out’ and talk about his problem. The implication was that he had been hiding his issues for many years, as he was too ashamed to admit the truth about himself. I have talked before about the issue of being ‘brave

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Tripping Over Milestones…

Been here before…

Read After Burnout

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Milestones. Coming back from mental illness has its milestones. I have met many of these along the way and have touched them as I have gone past. Most say that I’m pointing in the right direction. They pat me on the back as reassurance that I am on the right road and, indeed, I am on that right road.

I am becoming more and more normal everyday, in many ways.

And…I am scared.

I liked being ‘unnormal’. Although it was a desperate situation for a time, it freed me from false gods.

I stopped praying at their temples and took to wandering through the days on a quest to find the grails that I had left behind. I realised that I was not normal. My brain worked differently. My outlooks were different. My goals were not the same. And there I found myself, after a year-long odyssey, thinking that…

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Lovey, dark and deep…

What to do about persistent Nazis…

Read After Burnout

Just who do you turn to if you truly suspect that the country that you live in is being secretly taken over by Nazis? The answer, as I found out, was nobody. In the real world, the one that professed to exist outside the ward, few would pay much attention to such a claim. What a growing number of people would do would be to ascribe such announcements to the general book of lunacy that they believed had been the script for my later life. Nazis were from the dark pages of history. They were a story that some would tell both themselves and their children, a ‘real world’ tale about wizards, goblins, witches and ghouls. It did happen, but that was Once Upon a Time and anyone who believed that it could happen again was too convinced by fairy-tales and should try to sleep more and dream less. I…

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Staying in the womb…

I would probably have stayed in there forever…

Read After Burnout

The school was always making noises. We boys, being the ones that we were, merely added to the general volume. Most days would see us tempering our explosions, sometimes not. We were like juvenile pressure points that had very little control over themselves. The temperature, the pressure per square inch, was often pre-set before the day began and what happened after that had been determined in those things that neuros called dreams. Like the neuros, we dreamt but we did not realise what dreams were.

Since the first of the outbreaks we were aware that things had changed. The first few weeks had brought about stillness and something that was close to rebirth. There were more animals in evidence in the countryside, more deer, more foxes and more ‘unseen’ birds of prey. “Unseen’ means not seeing them until it was too late. I remember seeing a goshawk tearing a woodpigeon…

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Read After Covid…13

Try, try, try or don’t…

Read After Burnout

Write about what you know, that’s what they tell you. The problem is that I do not know these times, at all. These times have sprung up from the pages of novels that weave themselves around the possibility of a plague decimating the world’s population. Interesting that the term, decimate, refers to the Roman habit of killing one in ten of the population which they had just conquered. This is one such enemy, little microscopic stormtroopers that are literally taking the world by storm. At the moment, IT is winning as it is being aided by ‘world leaders’ who have not a clue about anything other than themselves.

On a global scale, humanity has backflipped into democratically electing leaders who are dictators, tyrants, autocrats, despots, oppressors and total arsewipes. How did that happen? My guess is that it happened because people got tired of thinking too much. We are not…

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Summer’s Irony…

I haven't done a post like this for a while. They normally arrive when shit does. Shit is the stuff we have to wade through until we get to the end of it. The last ten years have been shit-filled, but I thought that I had gotten to the end of it - I had... Continue Reading →

Dark and Deep…

Back in the woods…

Read After Burnout

I had never thought of him as being a talker, all those centuries alone in the woods would have made talking a redundant function. He may have talked to himself but that may have been a little risky in such a dark place. I was coming around to the understanding that these woods were the haunts of all kinds of things that set themselves against the wellbeing of man, and boy. We hadn’t spoken since we met. He had an understanding of me that I had not truly expressed and this was in keeping with his compatriots who were starting to mouth the next lines on the page before I had even arrived at them. As I was saying, I never expected him to be a talker but four words in half a day was a little extreme.

“To go where?”

“You need to get to the far side of…

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The Piper 15

In Bloom…

Read After Burnout

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“You alone?” said the voice stepping out of an alleyway that ran between two iron-shuttered shops.

Again, Podrall felt the crackle of fear running along his spine. Had Flowers been reading his thoughts? He hoped not. Even though he had not been thinking anything remotely seditious, he was still aware that any thoughts were dangerous. Not for the first time, Flowers had sprung out of nowhere just at the moment when the thought of him had entered Podrall’s mind.

“I said, are you alone?”

“Yeah. There’s nobody with me,” and saying this he was aware how alone he was. “I’m on my own.”

“Good, come with me.”

As usual, Podrall didn’t question. Apart from the stronger boy’s temper, he was incapable of standing against his suggestions and had never found a way to do so. It had quickly dawned on him that it was dangerous to stand against his leader. Flowers had…

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